Dream Reflections

I'm a believer in the importance of dreams as a messenger from the sub-conscious to the conscious self. I always promise myself that I will record my dreams in an effort to extract any meanings or symbols which may need to be brought to the attention of my conscious self. However as dreams are subjective it is difficult to come to any clear conclusion.

Anyway the dream I'm about to share with you, left me feeling very disturbed upon waking up. I felt unsettled and disorientated.

I was in my house and had just woken up. I padded into the bathroom to find all the bathroom tiles cracked, some completely broken off, whilst whole sections were hanging suspended centimetres away from the wall. I was horrified and insanely angry! I assumed it was my son. He had a friend sleep over the previous evening who was a bit of a naughty character. I went downstairs in a blind rage and asked why they had done it. They just laughed and laughed and smirked. This incensed me further. I inspected the rest of the house, to find that all the plugs had been cut of all of the kitchen appliances.

I dragged my son upstairs and demanded to know why he had done it, that he had never behaved like this before, he laughed and smirked and was very rude and nonchalant. I throttled him! But even this did not stop him from laughing and carrying on in this uncharacteristic fashion. There it ends. Not quite sure what to make of it.

However the strength of feeling was so strong, that even writing about it now, provokes that same unsettled feeling in my chest. I have made an effort to check meanings of individual symbols in the dream such as strangling, tiles and bathroom.

For now, I'm happy to record the details. I will come back to the dream should any flash of clarity or understanding presents itself. Alternatively, feel free to share any opinions, should you by some remote chance stumble upon this blog!

Society is sick

The backlash to the London riot's has begun in earnest. Everyone is crawling out of the woodwork, to offer their opinion. Some of these opinions are constructive and merit consideration, whilst others are downright malicious and inflammatory. These responses, will do nothing to address the current societal inequality and unrest. Now we will see the fragmentation of society escalate to new heights. Those at the bottom of society, will feel the pressure even more so than before. Expect vitriolic attacks on whole sections of society.

Divide and conquer, as the old adage says. Whats the best way to control a society? By creating anger and dissent among differing sectors of said society. What does this achieve? a breakdown of cohesion, of strength in numbers. What members of the public see as themselves expressing free speech or opinion, is in fact manipulation. Media coverage, government edicts, all serve to isolate and blind us from the real sickness that pervades our society.

This sickness can not be relegated to just small pockets of society, but society as a whole. We are all sick. We all play a part in the shaping of our society, every thought, action and reaction contributes. Society is a collective thing and as such each small part of said society adds to the fabric of the complete entity. Judgement, bitterness, egoism, fear, blame, selfishness, and greed. These are the afflictions to be found in Britain today.We can shake our heads and say no not me, I'm different, I'm evolved, I'm not a Biggot, I am aware.

But when you look at that young black man, your gut reaction is fear. Does he have a knife, is he going to rob me? Or when you see a young girl with a baby and pushchair, you think I am better than her, she is young, probably a single parent, no dad, she'l raise a criminal which; I will end up paying for. It goes both ways. Look at that rich man in his posh car, I bet he thinks he's better than me. I bet he  has holidays all the time and doesn't know what it means to struggle. Look at that girl who has everything, I bet Mummy and Daddy give her everything, she doesn't know what it means to go without. All these thoughts are energy, expelled into our environment, silently collected, harvested and manifested. And so the mistrust and resentment grows into the epidemic that we have on our hands today. 

We are basically shitting on our own doorsteps and then complaining when we find ourselves covered in shit! Having trawled the internet today, it is safe to say my predictions  of yesterday are already exploding across the internet. Take Stephen Mains's epetition saying that all convicted rioters should lose government support. Is this really the answer? What happens if this petition to strip rioters of their benefits is actually implemented, what will these people do? Will they think "I had better stop now, or I'l get into more trouble." Of course not! they will be desperate, stripped of all basic needs, and descend even further into the criminal underworld.


 If there is nothing more to be taken from these individuals, their attitude will simply be, what more can you do to me, the answer is nothing. Futility breeds contempt, these individuals will not feel compelled to participate in or uphold societal values and laws, rather they will do everything they can to display their rage and hatred at the existing establishment, the symbol of their oppression. This is prolonged mental, emotional punishment. If the environment one live's in is already like a prison, what can be a worse punishment than the day to day struggle for survival.



Here are my two cents, for now, but I have plenty more to say on this subject.

London Riots - August 2011

London is in serious state of unrest. What initially was a reaction to the shooting of Mark Duggan has escalated into something much bigger. The shooting of Mark Duggan, proved to be the catalyst but is by no means, the real cause of  the outbreak of violence in London. This is a really complex issue with many angles which need to be considered. What are the real causees of this violence. Poverty, social inequality and lack of opportunities are all contributing factors. 


This is reflected in the comments by a 26-year-old black man, who gave his name only as Jason. He said the riot was "a cry for help."
"I have no job, no prospects, no anything. Then they wonder why there's crime," he said, adding he had been unemployed since he left school.


But then there is the violence, directed at innocent communities, local traders and residents. This is completely abhorrent and unacceptable. To physically harm another, is a most deplorable violation of an individual right's. No-one deserves, or should be exposed to this level of behaviour in any civilised society. Times are tough enough without having the sanctity of your local community, torn apart and defaced or having your personal right to safety violated. These people are angry at the government and yet innocent people are the ones who will feel the real effects of the damage done. The government will not feel the affects, it's the local communities which will suffer. 


 If anything, although I understand the anger and frustration which has motivated this response, It has achieved nothing. You have just given the government a green light, to harass and impose more restrictions on already well entrenched stereotypes, as well as further justifying the restriction of civil liberties. Further still you have alienated yourself from the public. Their pent up anger and frustration will now be wielded by the media and government alike and directed full force at you. It's a vicious cycle of hate, judgement, bitterness and social fragmentation. 


The large majority of the public who accept and make the best of things on the surface, deep down are also boiling with dissent. They will now feel fully justified in directing all their outrage at the perpetrators. What saddens me here, is the great rift this causes, the isolation, mistrust and anger that will grow and seep even further into the heart of our society.


The main arbitrators of the damage caused in London and now the Midlands, Birmingham and other locations across England are youths. What makes youths different from adults? Youths have not yet fully matured and are dealing with poverty, social immobility. They will feel restricted, helpless, hemmed in. Their outlook maybe futile. What do people do when they feel helpless, when they can change nothing, when their lives are restricted and when they have lost hope of a better future.


Their resentment builds, the anger grows and is directed at those who oppress them. This is instinctive behaviour, we see it in the animal kingdom and let us not elevate ourselves too much here, we are still animals. Some more so than others. If  basic needs are not met, we descend into a primal state of being, we regress, from an intellectual and reasoned being, to something much wilder, raw and primitive. I am not championing or defending, the action of the rioters, or the way in which they have chosen to express their dissent. But I do understand and even sympathize to an extent. When people reach a state of hopelessness, nothing matters, they no longer care, because they believe it can't get any worse than it already is.


 It is easy to sit, in leather arm-chairs, drinking tea and discussing economic strategy or politics and cuts behind a closed gate. So far removed from the reality of the social endemic that is rife in Britain today. Job losses, Political bungles, and a lack of power in being able to influence or change the environment in which one lives is the real problem. It is easy to condemn those less fortunate, privilaged or educated than yourselves, for how can they argue back?. It is also very convenient to hide within an organisation or institution, where no one individual is held accountable. It is easy to condemn from within the ranks of a faceless institution, you have the srength of anonymity, officialism, and giant P.R machines to protect you. Bungling mishaps and ulterior motives are hidden inside often questionable, but rationally constructed proposals.  


The riots have become more organized in structure with each passing day. Rioters have been communicating through blackberry's messaging service, BBM. Police have demanded that Blackberry turn over all details of communications. Rioters have responded to this, they hacked into Blackberry's website and left a message in response to BBM's decision to work with the police. Like all campaigns, motivational material has been provided as a support to rioters in the aftermath of the attacks. 


In an interview with the BBC Darcus Howe shared his views on the rioting in England. I am inclined to agree with his perception of the motivation behind the attacks. He was rudely interrupted by the interviewer and her questions were so obviously leading and manipulative. Why did they pick a black individual to interview, was it to demonstrate the fair and unbiased way in which the BBC covers this topic? I'l leave you to formulate your own opinion. Another factor to consider here would be the impending police cuts due to be implemented in 2012, see a connection? No, of course not. Oh, one more thing, where is our government? Oh that's right, on holiday. having a well deserved rest after deciding how to cut public services and support to those who need it most in society. Tough job, but someone has to do it. 

Insecurity

What is insecurity? It's an ever-present  state of hyper-vigilance, caused by emotional fear, that is amplified in personal, intimate relationships. Insecurity is a response to past wounds and hurts. The sufferer conditions themselves and their reactions in an effort to counteract these wounds. We call these coping strategies or defense mechanisms. An arsenal of coping strategies, designed to ensure survival, are developed according to the nature of personal experience.

Let's have an example:

Jane was abused as a child, verbally, emotionally and physically. She learns that her need for love and security will never be met by her primary care-giver. She learns that love equals . So she develops a hard outer shell, and emotional detachment. She emotionally detaches from her abuser, in a bid to protect her fragile self from the pain she experiences.

What happens next?

Jane grows up with the distorted belief that relationships hurt and are not safe. She believes that her needs will not be met by others. This all happens on a subconscious level. These are coping strategies which; often remain dormant, or less pronounced until she embarks on a new relationship. The beginning of the relationship is dreamy and rosy, you know the type, fairy-tale fodder. But as the relationship progresses, the associated triggers are re-activated, and thus the dormant behavioural patterns begin to play out in the dynamics of the relationship.

Let's have an example:

Jane has a series of relationships all of which break-down. Either, they abuse her thus repeating the abusive patterns of her primary model relationship, thereby re-enforcing her negative perception of all relationships. Or, she in-advertently orchestrates the breakdown of the relationship herself, by operating in a state of hyper-vigilance, watching and assessing her partner's every word, move or expression.This leads to hyper anxiety and the perception of problems that in reality may not be present in the relationship. But due to her conditioning she believes these problems to be very real. As a result, her behaviours destroy what could have been a very healthy relationship. Here we can see the cycle of self - fulfilling prophecy in action. She fears abandonment. This fear is so pervasive, that it dominates her reactions to stimuli in the relationship. She gets caught in the trap of her own making, her fears, shape her reality.

I will expand further on this topic in future posts.

Loneliness.

 I want to talk about loneliness. Why? because I am suffering. Today, I felt as if I could sleep forever, such was my desperation to avoid the excruciating pain of feeling truly alone. This is not 'transitional loneliness' as some psychologists call it, I think it is chronic. This loneliness has been mine since birth. And though I have spent my life trying to shake it, still it stays... Why?

I am somewhat of a Frankenstinian creation. A product of my environment and my own immature parenting. My childhood experience, was very deprived, and so I was left to shape and form myself according to the various cultural reflections available to me. Those that should have nurtured me, robbed me of all the things we take for granted in life. Basic needs such as a cuddle when you scrape your knee, or a hot meal, or feeling safe and secure, were never feelings that I had. As a child I would have nightmares and wake up frightened that the dream was true. My mother was always the figure in my dream.

My mother was my nemesis, my bully, my destroyer. Her main goal in life was to terrorize me and strip me of dignity and self-worth. I have to say she did her job very thoroughly. Even now, well into my twenties, I still suffer, from the conditioning of my childhood. This isn't a sob story, I don't want your tears, I just want to express and address problems I see all around me, in the very fabric of society. Unfortunately it requires a little self-disclosure. Insight, stems from personal experience. Many wise teachers have argued that Personal experience is the greatest tool to the acquirement of empathy. Through the pain of your own, you recognize the pain of others.

I have always wanted to write, but am scared of baring my soul to others. It is difficult to embrace the dark nature within myself, let alone baring the fragmentary nature of my soul to others. I have always been afraid that people would reject me once they see the 'real me'. This is something I think we can all relate to, the fear of our true self being rejected. I am a deep thinker by nature, drawn to philosophy and personal development, spiritual development, anything to do with the deeper questions pertaining to life.

I'm aware this post, a sort of informal introduction, is somewhat chaotic and unstructured. But to be honest its a relief to just write, without thinking, worrying or agonizing over every possible insight that can be gleaned of my character from this fumbling post. But if I stop to think, my mind will be captured in an arthritic grip. Contradictory considering I shared my beginnings albeit rather briefly, with your great selves.

But I digress, loneliness, a pervasive thing. It shackles your mind your emotions and disables your character. How much of loneliness can be attributed to your own behaviour? Do I court loneliness or does it court me? I have always been somewhat reclusive, often withdrawing from social functions. At times I feel heavily drained when exposed to people for too long. It depletes my energy. I am also very selective about who I open up to, or who I share my inner self with. I am protective. But perhaps this need to protect is the real cause of my current ailment.

I always worry that people will think I want to much, or that I am clinging on, and so I remain distant and wait for them, to come to me when they want. However I think this comes across as cold and uncaring. I am anything but. I am a sensitive soul and find that most people find my depth of feeling and thought, both neurotic and silly. For this reason, I withdraw. So perhaps I have already answered my question, it is I who perpetuates this cycle of loneliness. But what is more damaging, rejection or loneliness, I chose the latter and now cry when I see the fruits of my harvest. And here I will conclude. I have no more o say now. Until next time. But I will leave you with one thought, all thoughts are creations and will manifest, so think and create wisely.